PIXIE
November 8, 1971 - July 27, 1983
Pixie was my best friend, as all good dogs are for us. She came to me at a time when I really needed a compassionate soul for me to take into confidence. She was the first dog that would be my own. My parents had finally consented to allow me to have a dog within certain rules and guidelines. I was uncertain what breed I wanted until one day I came across an ad. “Finnish Spitz puppy to good home. $15.00. Shots and wormed.” I had no idea what this breed was so I called the number and inquired about everything I could think of.
The weekend after I saw the ad my mother took me to the location and upon first sight of that beautiful pup prancing up the stairs I was in love. I had picked out some sort of frilly name until I saw her personality. I recall saying, “You’re just a little pixie aren’t you.” The name stuck and a week later I had no memory of that other silly name I thought was so cute.
Pixie was a blessing then, as her memory is now. If you believe in Guardian Angels disguised as earthbound creatures, she was one of them. With a loving spirit, lively soul; she was a friend forever giving all she had – and then a little more. Is it any wonder why I think so fondly of her still. She remains in my heart.
Pixie has been gone many years now but I still have joy in retelling stories about her delightful ways. I have another Finnish Spitz now and I love her as much as my first girl. But the first is always going to be special for how they gained trust and engaged the heart to love this breed. All that follow reinforce the memories as they create their own lovely times to remember.
Several years ago I was sent a poem from someone in a newsgroup about her own dog named Pixie. The message is clear and sincere and I felt the words were coming from my own heart about my own Pixie.
A SPECIAL PLACE
You have a special place Dear Lord, That I know you’ll always keep;
A special place reserved for dogs, When they quietly fall asleep.
With large and airy kennels, And a yard for hiding bones;
With maybe a little babbling creek, That chatters over stones.
With wide green fields and flowers, For those who never knew;
About running freely under, Your sky of perfect blue.
Lord, I know You keep this Special Place, And so to you I pray;
For one Special Finnish Spitz, Who quietly died today.
She was full of strength and love, And so very, very wise;
The puppy look she once had, Had long since left her eyes.
She is dearly missed my Lord, This very good friend of mine.
She went to join her ancestors, To Your land that is Divine.
So, speak to Pixie softly please, And give her a warm hello.
She’s a Special gift to You Dear Lord, From Jan, who loved her so.
(Original version by Jan Cooper 1994)
You have a special place Dear Lord, That I know you’ll always keep;
A special place reserved for dogs, When they quietly fall asleep.
With large and airy kennels, And a yard for hiding bones;
With maybe a little babbling creek, That chatters over stones.
With wide green fields and flowers, For those who never knew;
About running freely under, Your sky of perfect blue.
Lord, I know You keep this Special Place, And so to you I pray;
For one Special Finnish Spitz, Who quietly died today.
She was full of strength and love, And so very, very wise;
The puppy look she once had, Had long since left her eyes.
She is dearly missed my Lord, This very good friend of mine.
She went to join her ancestors, To Your land that is Divine.
So, speak to Pixie softly please, And give her a warm hello.
She’s a Special gift to You Dear Lord, From Jan, who loved her so.
(Original version by Jan Cooper 1994)
PIXIE AT PLAY
One of the things I remember most fondly about Pixie was her playful attitude and sense of humor. Yes, I believe animals can have a sense of humor. Well, anyway, we loved playing and she was tireless in our games.
Her favorite toy was a long narrow piece of red fabric which I would knot over and over until knots where on top of knots in one massive ball of knots. I would throw it and she would gladly fetch it; at least the first two or three times. Soon enough she would bring the knot ball to within an inch of my reach then suddenly turn tail and prance away pronouncing “Hu, Hu, Hu” every step. She would stop then, look back over her shoulder with a sparkle in her eye, waiting for me to protest and prance away “Hu, Hu, Hu” again. Now Pixie would work one or two of the knots out and bring the knot ball back ready for the game to restart. She was always careful not to spend too much time on this part of the game as I acted as if I were terribly sad.
Eventually I would begin to laugh. Her response to my laughter was a kind of “yodel” in that special vocalization only a “finkie” can express. This would be so much fun for me. My laughter would escalate and so would her “yodeling” for a happiness that fills your heart totally.
I guess you can say when she died it was only physically since she obviously lives on in my fondest memories.
PIXIE’S FINAL DAYS
In late April of 1983 Pixie was diagnosed with Asthma. She had been very healthy all her life so I was concerned, but not overly so. But in May her wheezing had gotten worse so we visited the Vet again. This time the news was more concerning. Pixie had Emphysema. That is a human’s disease I thought, but her first years with me were in my parents’ home where my Father was a heavy smoker. I had never liked being around smoking but I knew nothing else as I grew up. But now I was angry that such a disease could hurt one that so important to me because of second-hand smoke.
I was given medications for Pixie and given a schedule to follow-up with the Vet. Each trip she slipped a little more but she was still so full of life and love. I had trouble sleeping or working for fear of the worst. I didn’t want to be away from her, I just wanted to give her all the love I could while I still had her. The Vet advised to just enjoy her, and let her enjoy her life while she could still enjoy it. And that’s what I did.
Then in late July she had a couple of days where I saw she was visibly weaker. I carried her outside to potty and back indoors to let her chew on her toys as she wanted. When I saw she just had no energy to play it was too late in the day to get her to the Vet. It was agonizing to wait till morning when the Animal Hospital would open. I couldn’t sleep, choosing instead to lay on the floor near my little Pixie so she wouldn’t be alone. I wanted every minute, every second of her life that remained for her to know I loved her so.
Pixie rested on her favorite quilt I had made her when she was a puppy, and I took comfort in that fact. The hours, minutes and seconds ticked by so slowly I wanted to leap out of my skin. I told myself I should have noticed earlier, then scolded myself for not focusing on loving her. Around 5:30 a.m. I could stand the floor no more and lay across the room on the sofa. I watched her and softly told her how I loved her and would never forget her; that she was the best dog, and best friend anyone could ever want. But somehow I dozed off and startled awake just after 6:00 a.m. immediately looking to my sick little girl. I saw her take a deep breath and slowly let it out. I held my own breath and then knew she was gone. How could I have slept while she was dying? How could I have been so far across the room at her last moment?
I cried and held her until time had ticked by, enough for the Animal Hospital to open. I took her little body to the Vet to arrange for her cremation. I had him clip some of her fur as a tactile remembrance of her. I couldn’t stand to be standing there, and didn’t want to leave. A week later I was given a little hand thrown pottery container with her ashes contained within. It was sealed at the top with little gold letters spelling out her name. PIXIE. I felt so empty without her. Home felt empty and not very much like home.
It is pretty sappy to love an animal so much I suppose. But she made such an impact on my life and I just wasn’t ready to let her go. Anyone who has lost such a good friend can understand but many who aren’t “animal people” cannot. Yes, I have memories that still delight me; and I have my current finkie too. But there is still that scar in my heart that sometimes still aches for Pixie to be here with me. I suspect when my current girl leaves me alone someday I will feel the same… and like with Pixie there will be no replacement.
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